Balanced Expectancy
A couple of days ago within a space of 30 minutes I listened to an excited pregnant woman explore her future and learned that a dear family friend is facing her final moments alive.
Is it me, or are you also noticing extreme highs and lows of existence? My daughter just got into a great high school, a friend’s daughter is at home in pain.
I arrived confused at my R&M dance class and found myself telling the teacher, Amara. “I’m just fine and I’m grateful. ” I said, “But so many people around me are suffering.”
She responded.”Sometimes people need to go through things so their soul can learn.” She looked at me sternly, “Don’t you go there too.”
I snorted. “Believe me, I’m a holistic healer, I get it. My teacher Maggi always said, ‘Honey, if you’re in the tar pit of life, I’ll give you hand, but I’m not going in there with you or we’ll both drown.’ Still, my heart feels heavy today.” Amara nodded knowingly and then it was time to begin class.
And so, as I danced the joy and the sadness I found a space between the two, more of an edgy place than safety zone. I really just wanted to shake my hips and make the edge disappear, so I could hang out in the joy. But since, for the most part, I’m not into denial as a form of healing, instead I breathed into the edge. I’ve been there ever since, experiencing the edge of joy and sorrow, life and death.
Since I’m a big believer in synchronicity as a messenger, I have to tell you that as I’m sitting here writing this, my 14 year-old is upstairs belting out an Alicia Keys song, “I keep on falling in and out of loving you…how do you give me so much pleasure and cause me so much pain…”
I’m not sure what synchronicity is saying except that what I’m finding inside this edge, the space between pleasure and pain is the unknown. Sometimes the unknown makes me squirm with discomfort. Sometimes it feels freeing to not know. As the discomfort and the freedom rub up against each other, they grow something in me. Probably different things at different times, but in this moment, a balanced expectancy.
I’m going to rest inside this state of balanced expectancy until the time comes.
What is the unknown growing in you?
Tags: balance, dance, life, meaning, practical spirituality, relationship, spirituality, trust, unknown
You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.
April 29, 2010 at 5:08 am
That which is growing in me is fear of the known.
Thanks for the question, it really made me think about my answer and why it is what it is.
So good to find your blog, I enjoy reading your mind.
April 29, 2010 at 10:09 am
Hmmm…yes, I can see how the known engages fear. And then, an opportunity for awareness as well.
Thanks for stopping by, I enjoyed the tree and your blog Chaiku…
“the path is muddy
and covered with jagged stones
a journeyers plight”
Delicious.
Staci
May 14, 2010 at 9:55 pm
I have just found your blog and quite enjoy it. I hope you continue to post on here. The unknown growing in me is something cosmical and magical that I am afraid of. I’ve known it to be there for quite some time, but always stop short of accessing it. I’m not even sure this makes sense
. Of course, part of the unknown for me includes fears: fears of death, fear of meaninglessness, all those fears we experience in moments of doubts and insecurity. But beyond that is always something more profound, more awe-inspiring, and I am just as afraid of that, to go back to my earlier comment 
.
May 15, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Hi Juliana,
Yes, I hear you about fear. Through many years of study personally and as a holistic healer, I’ve come to identify eight teachers who can help us learn how to consciously navigate the unknown. Guess which one is first? Fear.
I support you in recognizing your fears, investigating them, and then working with them as a path of awareness and intuition. I’m in the process of writing a book about Practical Spirituality and these eight teachers and will be sharing more about this in an upcoming post. Thank you for your blog writing encouragement!
In the Shakti Mama spirit,
Staci
August 8, 2010 at 2:22 pm
What a great question. I was listening to a speaker on Hay House Radio this morning say that each step toward anything meaningful requires surrender. This of course, requires faith and trust. Which of course is the work, yes?
August 9, 2010 at 6:13 am
Hi,
Thanks for stopping by. Yes, I’m with you on surrender. In fact, I just posted something on surrender as a practice above. I would add that learning how to let go can be a choice and from making that choice, we also practice growing faith and trust.
Take care,
Staci