Love knows no difference
Early on I learned that family isn’t dictated by blood relations. While I am blessed with blood relatives–a father, mother, aunt, grandparents–I also have a third parent, my mom’s partner of over 35 years and her family. Add to that growing up in the 1970’s in the midst of the different San Francisco worlds my parents’ created, and well, community was a wild ride.
As I approached adulthood it was natural that some of my closest people became family. So while technically, I am an only child, I have several people I call brother or sister who bring extended family along with them.
You can imagine it gets difficult to sort out much less explain to my two children who live amidst all these relations including my husband’s family.
What I’ve explained is that we have two different kinds of family in our lives, blood and heart family. Blood family connects us with our heritage, family traits and physical characteristics; there’s something special the tangibility of blood creates. Then there are those people our hearts choose who feel like home. Some heart family are gifts of our parent’s choices, like my mom’s partner who is a devoted grandmother to my children. Others we are lucky to recognize along the way. That family arrives in different forms doesn’t have to mean one is better than another. Each comes with its challenges and opportunities for intimacy. The experience of both is a chance to create an AND world.
Perhaps as we move into adulthood the conversation becomes more complicated (Does someone instantly inhabit your heart or do they move in over time? What happens when your family chooses heart relatives who don’t resonate?). But so far it’s been more than fine for my kids. They embrace their blood cousins alongside their cousins by heart. The beauty is for them, love knows no difference.
Tags: community, Family, life, love, parenting
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