Celebrating Fullness

In our family tradition of the birthday month, we have been celebrating my husband Alex’s 40th for about two weeks.  The above is a surprise cherry pie baked by my 12 year-old daugther–Alex’s favorite kind.

In the midst I am contemplating the fullness of life.  Spring has sprung with a range of tweenage activities taking over–everything from baseball games and dance performances to end of year school camping trips.  A part of me wants to freeze frame this moment in my children’s lives as the space between sleepless toddler nights and teenagers taking flight creates a delicious balance inside.  Another part savors the colors of freedom still far out on the horizon, but visible nonetheless. 

As Alex crosses over into 40 my hope (and intention!) is that we continue to be present aware parents to our children but also reap the benefits of choosing to have children younger than our contemporaries.  As our kids grow their wings may Alex and I also have room to spread ours–together and individually.   

Tuesday of Infinite Possibilities

I’ve shared that body-movement is my spiritual practice.  While Sacred Dance is my montly ritual for release, Rhythm and Motion Dance Workout Program satisfies my weekly need to dance. learn and sweat.    

Today our teacher Amara Tabor-Smith started class with an extra umph of inspiration.  “Hey, it’s TUESDAY!”  She announced as if Tuesday was a gift.  Then she added, “Hmmmm…let’s see…What can be special about TUESDAY?”  

As I rolled my back to a Leon Parker’s “Calling Out”  I pondered the challenge of Tuesday.  It’s not like Tuesday is a beacon pointing towards the weekend like Thursday or Friday.  The biggest gift of Tuesday is that it isn’t Monday.  When I began swaying to a new song, suddenly my sarcasm disappeared and playful aspirations of Transformation Tuesday and Thankful Tuesday arrived. 

Then between songs Amara threw us an engaging grin and announced, “I got it!  How about Tuesday is: Full of Infinite Possibility?”  In response we clapped and “woo-hooed” into cardio hops and leaps.  We flew through the next four songs riding the energy of possibility as it united and lifted us together in dance. 

When we moved to strengthening floor work, Amara reiterated, “So Tuesday is Full Of Infinite Possbilities Day.”  Different classmates called out “Anything can happen today!”, “There are no limits!” and one person said, “What about saying no?  Or if we find we can’t.”

As we lifted our legs Amara responded, “My Mama always said ‘Can’t lives on Won’t Street.’  She pulled that one out when I was a kid and ‘didn’t wanna’ do something.”  She ended with a comical scrunched face. 

Another classmate exclaimed, “Wow. ’Can’t lives on Won’t Street.’ I like that.”

Amara said, “Yes, feel free to pass it on.”

And that’s precisely what I’m doing.

Happy Passover

About 30 years ago my mom and her sister friend began a Passover Seder within their community.  Mom and my auntie P co-created our beloved Haggadah weaving handmade drawings (see above!) with San Franciscan 1970’s feminist liberation politics.  In our tradition, we honor Moses and Miriam (his midwife sister).  Our Seder plate has a little lamb statue rather than a real bone out of respect to the vegetarians present.  Our hardboiled eggs symbolize renewal and the release of women from the role of only childbearer.

Today we have grown into three tables of people spanning four generations from my grandparents (!) to the 5 grandchildren present.  Auntie P is our Jewish pied piper of ceremony, managing the still feisty but now gray-haired feminist lesbians but always welcoming the children with song and playful respect. 

One of my favorite passages explains how kids are central to the Seder:

We mean this Seder to encourage them [children] to stand up for freedom and justice in whatever way they choose. We pass on to them our experience that freedom occurs within a person as well as within a country or culture, and remind them to listen to their own hearts, and to be true to what their hearts tell them.

Here’s wishing you freedom in your corner of the world.  

Email Eavesdropping

While I enjoy humor I’m not particularly witty.  Luckily, my husband and sister-in-law graciously allow me to sit near them at family gatherings so I can benefit from their constant quest to make the other one laugh hardest.

Recently they expanded their conversations to email and once again took pity on me with a cc.  It wasn’t long before I started pestering them to let me post some of their interactions here, and they’ve agreed.  I’ve edited a bit and changed names except my husband, because, well, I’ve already outed him.  

Background:  My brother, Andrew and his wife, Raquel, have two kids, Catalina, 7 and Gabriel, 5. 

Raquel wrote:

Just wanted to let you know Gabriel’s latest shenanigan….Remember how a a couple of months ago he got into trouble because he kept telling his friends about how his teacher (who was standing right next to him by the way) farted all over the school? And even though she asked him to stop, he continued naming different rooms and places that she farted in? 

Well…yesterday apparently Gabriel and a couple of his friends were playing in the yard and the boys were talking and pointing at their penises. Gabriel was NOT going to be outdone, so he proceeded to pull it out, while laughing hysterically…until his teacher spotted him and pulled him off the yard. So instead of having a second recess, he stayed in the classroom with her and had a long conversation!!!  
 
Alex (my husband) replied back: 

Did she fart during the talk?

*****

Since laughter is a great source of learning, growing and healing, this may become a regular feature.  Let me know what you think.

Love knows no difference

Early on I learned that family isn’t dictated by blood relations.  While I am blessed with blood relatives–a father, mother, aunt, grandparents–I also have a third parent, my mom’s partner of over 35 years and her family.  Add to that growing up in the 1970’s in the midst of the different San Francisco worlds my parents’ created, and well, community was a wild ride.

As I approached adulthood it was natural that some of my closest people became family.  So while technically, I am an only child, I have several people I call brother or sister who bring extended family along with them. 

You can imagine it gets difficult to sort out much less explain to my two children who live amidst all these relations including my husband’s family.

What I’ve explained is that we have two different kinds of family in our lives, blood and heart family.  Blood family connects us with our heritage, family traits and physical characteristics; there’s something special the tangibility of blood creates.  Then there are those people our hearts choose who feel like home.  Some heart family are gifts of our parent’s choices, like my mom’s partner who is a devoted grandmother to my children.  Others we are lucky to recognize along the way.   That family arrives in different forms doesn’t have to mean one is better than another.  Each comes with its challenges and opportunities for intimacy.  The experience of both is a chance to create an AND world.

Perhaps as we move into adulthood the conversation becomes more complicated (Does someone instantly inhabit your heart or do they move in over time?  What happens when your family chooses heart relatives who don’t resonate?).  But so far it’s been more than fine for my kids.  They embrace their blood cousins alongside their cousins by heart.  The beauty is for them,  love knows no difference. 

Love Thursday

Happy Love Thursday